Am I really God’s child?
It was way back in 1989. About two weeks after I asked Jesus to come and take control of my life. Something happened that made me ask: “Am I really God’s child?”
It was early morning and my husband was on his way to work. Before he left we had a massive argument and in the process I lost my temper and ended up screaming at him at the top of my voice. Not exactly the way a good Christian woman would behave!
The moment he left I was wracked with guilt and shame. I was so excited about accepting Jesus into my life and so badly wanted to lead a God-honoring life. Yet there I was, scarcely two weeks later, and behaving like a lunatic! Not to mention the example I was setting for my children. I felt like such a fraud.
Later that morning as I was vacuuming the carpets in the lounge – I was a stay at home mum in those days – I was in tears, thinking about how I had let myself down and how I had let God down.
What happened next was nothing short of amazing!
On the mantelpiece we had one of those little promise boxes filled with scripture verses. In my distress I reached out and took one from the box. Literally the first one I touched.
Looking at the card in my hand, I was speechless, astounded and shocked all at once. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This is what the card said:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine!” (Isaiah 43 : 1b)
I remember thinking Wow! It felt like God had literally reached down from heaven and handed me that little card himself. Here I was, asking myself if I could possibly be his child when I behaved in such a manner and there God was, quietly reminding me that I was indeed his child. Not only that, but that he had already paid the price for my sins and he had claimed me as his.
I remember feeling so loved and humbled in that moment. When I think back on it now, I believe that in that moment, my life changed forever. I realised that nothing I did or would ever do , would stop God from loving me. How amazing is that!
What lessons did I learn from this?
Just because I accepted Jesus into my life, did not mean I suddenly became this perfect person. In fact quite the opposite. It seemed, and still seems, the harder I try, the less I succeed at becoming the woman of God I so desperately want to be.
The moment I gave my life to the Lord, I became a target for God’s enemy, Satan. I became a threat to him because he knows that if the Lord’s plans for me succeed, I can do some serious damage to his kingdom.
Instead of feeling ashamed and guilty, I need to become remorseful and repent.
When feelings of unworthiness creep in, it’s not God, but his enemy trying to make me feel that way. If God thought I was not worthy, he would never have paid the price.
What about you?
Do you ever ask yourself “Am I really God’s child?” Have you ever felt unworthy? Do you ever feel you are not the woman, wife, mother or friend that God expects you to be?
I believe you are exactly who God expects you to be. After all, He knows exactly what your failings are and will be in the future, yet he still decided to go ahead and create you. He still went ahead and redeemed you (paid the price for you) because he thought you were worth it!
Next time you feel like you have let yourself and God down, remember this:
God loves you, warts and all! He has redeemed you, he has called you by name!
There is absolutely nothing you can do that will cause God to love you less.
He thought you were to die for!
When you come before God in your brokenness, He will reach down and meet you right there where you are.
God will go to any length to show you how much you mean to Him. That day back in 1989, he used a simple ornament on the mantelpiece. When we choose to stop believing the lies the enemy would have us believe, we can be set free to simply enjoy being God’s child.
Never again will I ask “Am I really God’s child?” The answer is yes, I am , his perfectly loved, imperfect child.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you that when I fall, you are there to pick me up, dust me off and give me another chance. Thank you that you thought I was worth redeeming and claiming as your own.